Healing

We're trying to figure out our new normal in life. It's not easy. We really hit a rough patch. Loosing Gary was so unexpected and so sad.

Gary and his family are very close. He was a man of few words. He listened way more than he actually spoke. He was a very gentle man - soft spoken. As you can see, he had a smile that lit up a room, however, he wasn't always easy to smile.

I met Gary October 31, 1997. Justin and I had just gone to a Garth Brooks concert in Sioux Falls. After the concert it was time to meet the family. YIKES! Being a child of divorce, I found it strange that his parents were still married. (Crazy - I know.) After I met Gary I told Justin that he was a cute little Santa (he was wearing a Santa hat on top of his cowboy hat).

From that day on, Gary loved to razz me. We're talking about 12 years of razzing. Some days it got old. Very old. Some days it hurt my feelings. Some days I'd bite back with all the venom I had in me - then I felt horrible.

Gary loved his family. He called Justin sometimes 3 times a day. Some days it drove me crazy. Most days. Gary used to call the house phone, but then must have gotten word that it was driving me crazy, so started to call Justin's cell. That made it better.

Then Gary died.

I would do anything to make that phone ring. Anything.

The second that Justin told me about his dad, all I could think was "did he know that beyond everything I loved him?" It still puts a pit in my stomach.

The morning of the viewing I reached out to my friend, Jamie Mechels. If anyone has felt the intense feeling that I'm feeling, she has. She's dealt with Chad's death with grace and poise. I needed her help. I needed her words. I needed a pep talk.

She said, "It's hard not to remember the bad thoughts or the arguments that you've had with with your loved one. It's going to be hard, but it's going to get better. It's changed my outlook on everything." The most poignant words she said were these; "Life can change in an instant, and you never know when that instant is going to be. The only thing I can do, is move forward and try not to regret the bad times, but to remember the good times. It's hard to do, but it will come." That spoke to me - volumes.

Thank you, Jamie, for the words that I needed to hear.

Before I wrap this up, I want to say Thank You to every single person that e-mailed me, text me, called and sent their condolences on Facebook. The outreach of support was overwhelming. I wish I could fill your hearts the way that you helped fill ours. Until you go through it, you'll never know the important roll you played in our healing. Thank you.

May 5th, 9:30PM

I had other things that I wanted to write about, but none are as important as this post is.

May 5th, 2009 at 9:30PM will forever be burned in my mind.

Justin's Mother called our house at that moment to tell us that Justin's Dad had been killed in a vehicle accident.

May 5th, 2009 has forever changed the man that my husband is. It will forever change the wonderful woman that my mother-in-law is. It will change the life of my sister-in-law who is pregnant.

We don't know the details of the accident at this time.

Within 15 minutes, an officer was at our door with tears pouring out of his eyes grieving with Justin. Before I knew it, Tracy was at my door and scooping Justin and I up in her arms. Within a half hour of the call, Justin was on his way to Pierre to be with his Mom. Not long after that, a friend came over that I'd had a falling out with about a year and a half ago. He put his feelings aside and came to be with me, his friends wife.

In a few hours I'm going to have to break Nathan's heart. He's a self proclaimed "Papa Fan". I doubt that Claire is going to understand, but she'll more than likely react the way others around her react.

How am I going to do this? How am I going to tell Nathan?

I'll get through it I guess. I'll do the best I can do. It's all I've got.

I'm going to cancel my appointments for Wednesday and stay home with the kids. After that - I'm not sure. If I'm not behind my chair - I'm not getting paid...an ENORMOUS downfall of being self employed.

We were lucky enough to see my father-in-law this past Friday and Saturday. We had plans to see him again this Friday. Nathan's birthday is Sunday and we were going to have his party on Saturday. We'll have to see what happens.

Please pray for the entire Meyer family. We are all hurting right now.

So please, pray.