Here is my favorite picture of Jack so far. It was taken when he was 10 days old at Black's Studio in Ramona, SD. He was a bit yellow so they touched up his coloring and his eyes are the most beautiful blue. My scanner does the real photo no justice.
Jack Allen was named after an uncle on each side that passed unexpectedly. My Uncle Jack was driving and went in the ditch. They believe he had a massive heart attack and died while trying to push the car out of the ditch. Justin's Uncle Al died last year just before Thanksgiving doing something he loved doing most - hunting. He too had a massive heart attack.
Jack was a name we considered when we had Nathan. I liked it but Justin wasn't sold on it. I wasn't sure that I wanted to name this baby Jack for a few different reasons. I didn't want to give this baby a name that I'd considered for Nathan. To me those names were Natey's names, not someone else's. I also thought that Jack was too strong of a name for a baby. I still feel that way, but they aren't babies for long, so it isn't an issue.
My dad has never said anything about Jack's name so I don't know what he thinks about it. Doesn't matter, we're not changing it. Same with Uncle Al's widow, Lila. She's never given her feelings about it either. However, she came to the hospital when Jack was born and then to the house after we brought him home. She never did that with the other two children. Sometimes actions speak louder than words.
We got a Christmas card from Lila the other day. She spoke of how hard this past year has been for her and how lonely she was. It made me very sad. Of coarse I have no idea what she's going through, but pain is pain no matter what form it comes to you in and it always has one guarantee - it hurts.
A week from today (Thursday, not Wednesday...I started this last night) I'll be returning to work. You have no idea how much I don't want to. Don't get me wrong, I love what I do, I'm just not ready to be away from my kids. If I had the choice I'd stay home with them, but I don't have that choice. I expect the first few days to be hard, but once I get back into it I'll be fine I'm sure. I'm quite thankful that my children are at daycare for 12 hours a week and not 40+. I feel horrible for those parents who have no other choice. I enjoy knowing that Justin is home with them on the weekends and that he gets to say goodnight to them before they go to bed at night. Not all police officers have that luxury. I appreciate that he does.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Jack Allen
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4 comments:
I'm realizing that having your children at daycare for 45 hours a week sucks. I really wish I had more time at home with Vanessa. The two hours that we get to spend together each night and the weekends in which we always seem to have something going on, go by way too fast.
...This is exactly why I quit. Spending only two hours with Alex was definately NOT enough. I'm very fortunate I had a choice. I just wish I had made that choice earlier, rather than wait until Alex was 3 1/2.
On the flip side, I don't mind Alec being at daycare (40+) while we work. I would rather have us all at home together on evenings and weekends, instead of one of us being home with the baby and one being at work. I do feel guilty somedays. If we could afford for me to work parttime, I would consider it, but it is not an option. I don't think I could ever be a stay-at-home mom. I enjoy working, especially since I love me job.
Hol - it's funny you say that. I never had the real desire to stay home until now. When it was just Nathan, I had no desire. I was only working 32 hours a week and I was fine with the time that we were apart. I felt it a little more after having Claire (the urge to stay home) and with Jack it's very intense. I wonder if you too won't feel differently after having more children? I totally understand what you're saying though.
Oh, and your right, it isn't much fun having one of us work and one of us be home with the kids all the time. It's hard work and makes you feel like a single parent. However, we get to eat supper together each night and put our kids to bed together - which I love.
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