Momma called the doctor

Today was kinda sucky. I was having a huge self conflict. I wanted to call Dr. Henry's office to tell him about the crappy scores Jack got, but on the other hand I thought I should give Jack a chance to prove himself.

I started thinking back to the tests that he didn't do so great at. One of them that I couldn't get over was when they rang a bell and Jack acted as if he didn't hear it. I asked the lady if she thought he could hear and she said "Yes. I've seen him respond to his name." The sucky part is that they really didn't answer any questions for me, like the most important one - WHY? Why didn't he look at that bell? Why is he having such a hard time feeding himself? Why doesn't the left side of his body work as well as the right? Why isn't he able to sit up by himself at the age of 9 months? WHY?

Yesterday at the meeting, the lady representing Speech was holding Jack. We were talking about the bell test and how he didn't respond. Jack's body was facing her but his head was looking to his left. The lady whistled like a bird. It got Natey's attention in the other room, but Jack, who need I remind you is sitting in her lap, acted as if it didn't happen. She whistled again. Nothing. She said "Jack" and he turned his head. What in the hell does that mean? Someone just tell me for crying out loud!

My friend Linda came down to see how I was doing after lunch. I told her about my internal struggle. She suggested that I call Dr. Henry if nothing else but to make myself feel better. Finally I caved. His nurse called me back at about 4:30. I told her that Jack favored the right side and I told her about the bell test. She said something and I wasn't sure if she was talking to me or not. When I said "What?" she said "Dr. Henry is standing right here and I'm writing what you say. He wants an MRI done immediately." She tried to schedule it for tomorrow (Friday), but there was some glitch. Dr. Henry wants to see Jack Monday morning and then he'd like for him to have the MRI. They were going to call and set something up for us.

Normally I work the mid-8 shift on Monday, but I won't be doing that this week which probably means no video blog. Maybe there will be one, only a different day - who knows. I didn't ask the nurse what they would be looking for with an MRI - I didn't have the courage.

I got off the phone and started to cry. WHY? Can someone just tell me why? Why does this have to be happening? Why does it have to be so scary? Why have we been through this twice when others have never had anything like this? Why do people tell me everything will be ok when there IS no guarantee? WHY?