Yesterday I turned on the TV for a short time during Oprah. I heard something that was very true.
There was a man on stage and he said, "In our culture, when a man says No - the answer is No. When a woman says No, it's the beginning of a negotiation".
I find it to be absolutely true. But why? Why, as women, do we allow this to happen?
Really. I'm asking.
Click on the comment and leave one....because I'm asking.
Stop reading please.
Think about it - and leave your thoughts.
Thank you.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
But why?
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14 comments:
i don't think that it is as much about someone projecting that negotiation onto us as it is us showing a lack of confidence in our decisions that engages negotiation in others.
also, women are wired to be more empathetic. we don't like to be the one who lays down the law at others' expense. we are hard-wired to be nurturing and understanding. so our "no" is rarely as clearly signaled & read as our male counter-parts. we've said "no" too many times when we really didn't mean it.
it's the whole issue of talking without words...or "you should just KNOW how i feel if you love me" mantra- we use it when it works and this is the result.
IN MY OPINION.
"....it is us showing a lack of confidence in our decisions that engages negotiation in others."
This is exactly what I think. Why must we have such lake of confidence though?
I find it frustrating.
I also agree with what you said about us being wired to be more empathetic. While I think it's true, I think it's more of us following our leader. If my mother was not as nurturing as she is, would I be as empathetic as I am?
So many things to ponder.
Wow...maybe you girls should go on Oprah!
:)
Sorry I do not know what to say!! I think you two have said it all. I do not understand why this is either.
Loni
I truely think it is more to do with us as women and how we work than with people not taking us seriously. I think we often times feel the need to explain or defend our answers. I think we don't feel like a simple NO is a sufficient answer. Simply put - we as women talk to much and think to much!! We can't keep it so simple! haa!!
It's the same reason many women start off by saying "this may sound stupid but....". I can't tell how many meetings I've sat in and heard women say that and I cringe each time.
I agree that we are wired to be more empathetic but I also see many woman not being able to differentiate between aggressiveness and assertiveness and we just slip into more passive/submissive ways (I find myself doing this a lot) So we allow negotiations to begin and we compromise our positions
I have absolutely no idea why I do this, but sometimes I catch myself phrasing my "no" statement like a question. For example:
"Don't you think we should do ___ instead?"
"Wouldn't it be better if ___?"
"It's time for bed Just Son, don't you think?" (Yeah. I caught myself saying that last one last night. UGH.)
On the flip side, when I just say "No," without further explanation, the discussion often ends.
Sorry, I couldn't help ya.
I watched Oprah yesterday and gulped when I heard him say that. It is true and it made me mad that I could think of so many situations that I have said no and the negotiations began. It makes me want to be more bold and confident.
Here is your answer:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxtUH_bHBxs
Hey, if you watched the youtube you can understand that they live most of their time in the empty box, hehe.
This leaves me with much to think about! Thanks for posting this and I have to agree with you and heidi jo both!
ginger that was good.
here's a better question...WHAT WAS GOD THINKING?
Men want to be the final authority, while women want a good fight. And then after the fight there can be some good make-up sex. HAHHAH.
(doh--sorry. Did I just change your blog rating)?
This is the same link that Ginger left. Click on this video clip. It's funny... and another good explanation about your question--after the make-up sex idea.
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