I can't talk

I'm not in today.

I'm out.

Out where?

Buying his........new CD.

Goodness golly he is hot!

Defying Gravity!

I promise, not even a blizzard will keep me from it.

GO TEAM! :D

Random, random, random

Look what was hanging on our neighbors house the other day. I just about freaked when Justin pointed it out to me. ACK!!!!

On our way out to Rapid, I like to take pictures of a billboard that has my father-in-laws picture on it. Ok, so maybe it isn't him, but that's what I think he looked like in the 70's......if I only had more of a reference for you. Believe me, it's good stuff.

Here are the kids wearing my beer goggles. I got them to wear on St. Patrick's day, but it was kind of a sad time for me so I didn't wear them much. The kids sure enjoyed them though.

Nathan said "These are rootbeer glasses, right?" Um, of coarse they are. Duh.

I'm not exactly sure what Peach was doing in this picture, but I just thought it was a cute picture of her. Totally fits under 'Random, random, random'.

Here is a picture of one of Nathan's latest obsessions. His name is Ben. He got his Eagle Scout pin yesterday. We were invited to his ceremony and wouldn't have missed it. Nathan LOVES him some Ben. They did a slide show and Nathan hardly blinked. I was sure he was going to ask to be in Boy Scouts. Not as much. He asked when Ben could come over and play Wii with him.

The end.

Saying good-bye

Tuesday night I worked a little late so I could have most of Wednesday off to go to Chad's funeral. Visitation was Tuesday night, so after I got off work I called Justin to make sure he was able to go with me. He was already at the funeral home.

I got in my vehicle which was about 3 or 4 blocks away. The second I turned to go to the funeral home, the anxiety level in my body reached an all time high. It had been hours since I last ate, yet I felt like I was going to vomit. I knew going to the visitation would be tough, but tough doesn't convey how hard it actually was.

The officers stayed with Chad's body 24 hours a day from the time they found him until they put him in the earth. When I got in the funeral home there were officers in their honor guard dress uniforms. They looked great, but it was too much for my feelings. I instantly started to cry.

I walked in the room where Chad was and I was immediately overwhelmed with sorrow. There were quite a few people in there, but my eyes were fixated on Chad's son. Even though I hadn't seen him in almost a year, it was quite obviously him because he looked just like Chad.

As we made our way to the casket, I saw some other people doing the same thing. I noticed a little girl. I turned to Justin and asked if it was Chad's daughter. He didn't know. By the time I asked the question and turned back around, there was the little girl stroking Chad's head.

It was - more than I could deal with. Not only was I getting a glimpse of Chad in a casket, but I was also seeing his little girl showing love and affection to her father.

I - lost - it.

A lady turned to me and put her hand on my shoulder. She said "Do you need a hug? You do need a hug." There I stood in a random woman's arms. I didn't know who she was, but I assumed she must have been a family member of his. She squeezed and squeezed and finally let go. It turned out that the lady was Chad's sister. What a caring woman.

It was time for the guys to switch places. It was all so Military like - and again too much for me. I stood there sobbing. Justin touched my shoulder, giving me love and support.

We went to the casket. People told me how good he looked. I know it could have been worse, but to me it didn't look like him. Thankfully it's not burned into my memory. We didn't stand there long. We walked to a hallway where Justin and I embraced. Having him there helped so much.

I needed to go home so that I could be with the kids. I drove home and wept and wept. I couldn't get the image of Chad's daughter out of my head. I closed my eyes and I could see her so lovingly stroke her fathers head. I couldn't help but wonder if she was able to understand at 7 years old that her daddy won't be coming home anymore?

It was a long exhausting night.

I had hopes of sleeping in on Wednesday, but that didn't happen. I woke up at 6:15 and couldn't go back to sleep. I knew Chad's funeral would be hard for me, but I kind of just wanted to get it over with. I'd cried so many tears and had that feeling in the pit of my stomach since Sunday morning - I just wanted to be done with it.

The funeral was hard, harder than I expected. I could hear his wife wailing in the front row. I imagined her grief and felt like I could understand it on the same level. It could have been me in her chair. It could have been my husband. The tears just kept coming.

We went to the cemetery to say our final goodbye's. Other than when they close the casket, it's my least favorite part. It makes me sad to leave them all alone out there. I know he's not there, but still.....

Chad wasn't a perfect guy buy any stretch of the imagination. He was human and he made mistakes. He was serious about his job. Sometimes too serious. I don't know all the facts about what happened the day he died - I'm not sure I ever will.

Once you have feared for someones life, you love and respect them on a whole different level. I was his dispatcher for 4 years. I was his lifeline. Even if he hadn't been my friend, the fact that I'd been responsible for his safety at one time would have resulted in the same emotion.

It's time to start the healing process. It's going to take a while. This has been all I've thought of for 3 solid days. I know I'll cope in my own time and in my own way.

Chad's funeral is a day I'll never forget. It's also a day I hope to never EVER repeat.

God bless you, Chad. I'm going to miss you.

Happy *Patrick's* Day

She

wants to wish you a Happy Patrick's Day.
It's more this kind of Patrick

than this kind......

but really it's just the thought.

:)

One final thought

A friend of mine was killed today in the line of duty. He went to help someone and that someone shot him dead.

He has a wife and two children ages 7 and 3.

First we got news that he'd been shot and that it was bad. About 40 minutes later we got the call that said he didn't make it.

I hadn't verbally talked to him in just over a year, but we've communicated via facebook. On the way down to Dawson's birthday party, I passed him on the Interstate and we both waved. That was the last time I actually saw him.

I know he knew that he was my friend. I know that I was his friend. I just wish I would have seen him one last time.

We didn't have the friendship where we spoke on the phone or stopped at the others house when we weren't working. When I was a dispatcher he always - and I do mean always - stopped to see me or called if he was out. It might have been for just a minute, but he always made personal contact.

If you view the last video blog I did from dispatch, forward it to 6:18. I was talking about him.

He was such a nice guy who loved his family and loved his job. When he started, we weren't quite sure how to say his last name, Mechels. I started calling him Mechels sounds like Speckles. Finally I came clean to him and told him that if he'd ever heard someone refer to him like that, that it was only because we couldn't remember how to say his name. He thought it was great. I always addressed him in that manner - Chad Mechels sounds like Speckles.

Death is hard for me - period. However, when the death is a parallel to me it's horrible. He was my age. He has the same job as my husband. His two kids are the same ages of two of my kids.

I feel it to the core.

If I knew I'd never see him again, this is what I would have said....

Chad Mechels sounds like Speckles, thank you for making me laugh. Thank you for saying your sorry when you thought you were wrong. Thank you for loving your job like nobody else could - nobody. Thank you, Chad, for your service and dedication.

I'm gonna miss him. I really, really am.

Is it late or early?

Claire woke me up at 4 o'clock this morning. She declared that she was done sleeping. I strongly disagreed. I put her back to bed and then went back to my bed.

That didn't last long.

Finally I decided to lay down with her for a while. That didn't go well either. She insisted on tucking me in and giving me her babies. She offered to read me a book, but I declined.

In the next room you could hear a never ending coughing Jack. Jack would cough then Claire would cough. She'd look at me with her big, brown, sparkly eyes and say "I'm coughing just like Jack". She was so proud. Me? Getting more tired by the minute.

As I laid in her bad with her I found that I needed more medicine myself. My throat was itching and my nose was running like a faucet.

Finally I got up to give another round of cough medicine. Jack first, then Claire, then me.

I decided that laying in bed with Claire wasn't going to work. She wouldn't stop 'taking care of me'. As cute as it was, I really wanted her to go back to sleep.

I came down to the computer. Checked out CNN, People, Kelo and Facebook. Claire started yelling from her room "THERE IS A LADYBUG IN HERE!!!" Turns out it was really just a screw on the heat register. She was positive that I was wrong and she was right. Since that didn't work in her favor, she yelled "MOMMY, I HAVE A NOSE RUNNER!" I encouraged her to grab a Kleenex that is right next to her bed. "GREAT IDEA" she said.

Sigh

Finally at 6:22 she got out of bed. She said "Maybe I should just watch some TV?" Sure. Why not? Who needs sleep anyway?

What a weekend!

Wowza - what a weekend we had.

Friday night, Nathan and I went with Tracy and Dawson to the boys basketball game in Sioux Falls. It was so much fun. Nathan wore his shirt all weekend long. We won the game by about a million.

Ok, so maybe not a million, but close. So that was the District game and now we move on to Regions. That's where we'll meet Sioux Falls Christian. If you need to be reminded of that game, view this. We beat them here at home, but beating them in Sioux Falls might be something else. Eeek! I'm so nervous about it and I have nothing to do with it. Crazy!

Here is a team picture.

I know - it's a little hard to see the boys, but I had to get everyone in there.

Here are two of my favorite boys to watch.

The boy on the lefts name is Tony. The boy on the right is Chad. I talked to Tony's mom one day when she was in the salon. He comes from such a wonderful family. I don't know Chad's parents. Well, everyone knows his mom because she works at the post office. She's very nice. :) Both of these guys are going to school at SDSU next year. I assume they'll red shirt, which I hate, but maybe someday we'll get to see them play in college. That would be fun.

Ok, so that was Friday. Saturday I worked until about 3. After work I came home and we loaded up and went to Brookings. Nathan had a birthday party to go to on Sunday and buying gifts in this town is a challenge. We found a gift and then went out for supper. We had a good time.

Sunday morning Justin's dad called and wanted to know if we wanted to meet in Huron for a late lunch / early supper. Well Natey had that party, but also wanted to see Papa and Grandma. We told him to go to the party for a while then we'd pick him up on the way out of town. Justin's Mom, Sharelle, didn't know of the plan. It was a surprise for her. When we got to town Justin had Claire call Grandma to see if she wanted to have lunch. Well, Claire had pizza for 'lunch', so she just told Grandma "I had pizza for lunch". It was pretty funny. Poor Grandma was confused and Papa wasn't near her to sort things out for her. Finally, Justin got the phone back from Claire and told Grandma that as a surprise we were getting together for lunch / supper. Justin's dad called his late brothers wife and she came and drank coffee with us. It was so much fun! (PS: If a late breakfast is brunch, what is a late lunch?)

Our next basketball game is on Tuesday. I'm so excited because Justin is coming with us. FUN! Natey was beyond excited - of coarse. So that was it - our fun weekend.

The grand prize

I pulled off something very cool.

One of Nathan's friends at school got all the boys from the basketball team to sign a shirt for him. This little boy quickly became the envy of many.

Tuesday night Nathan went home sad because he didn't get his picture taken with any of the players. I didn't have my camera - but I did have an idea.

One of the girls that does the stats used to babysit the kids. She pretty much has superstar status at our house.

I bought Nathan a shirt and asked Shelby if she would be able to get the boys to sign the shirt for Nathan. She and the boys were more than happy to do it.

One of the star players was going to give Nathan the shirt, but he was in the locker room and so Shelby gave it to him on her own. He was - BEYOND - excited. He wanted to wear it immediately.

And so he did. He was on cloud 9. He was very excited to show off the shirt 'his friend Shelby' gave him. He couldn't have been prouder.

...because I can't get enough of him

....because some things in life are ABSOLUTELY worth revisiting

Do Wednesdays make you *this* tired too?

Let's talk Bachelor

You're what, Claire?