Thursday, August 09, 2007

Momma called the doctor

Today was kinda sucky. I was having a huge self conflict. I wanted to call Dr. Henry's office to tell him about the crappy scores Jack got, but on the other hand I thought I should give Jack a chance to prove himself.

I started thinking back to the tests that he didn't do so great at. One of them that I couldn't get over was when they rang a bell and Jack acted as if he didn't hear it. I asked the lady if she thought he could hear and she said "Yes. I've seen him respond to his name." The sucky part is that they really didn't answer any questions for me, like the most important one - WHY? Why didn't he look at that bell? Why is he having such a hard time feeding himself? Why doesn't the left side of his body work as well as the right? Why isn't he able to sit up by himself at the age of 9 months? WHY?


Yesterday at the meeting, the lady representing Speech was holding Jack. We were talking about the bell test and how he didn't respond. Jack's body was facing her but his head was looking to his left. The lady whistled like a bird. It got Natey's attention in the other room, but Jack, who need I remind you is sitting in her lap, acted as if it didn't happen. She whistled again. Nothing. She said "Jack" and he turned his head. What in the hell does that mean? Someone just tell me for crying out loud!

My friend Linda came down to see how I was doing after lunch. I told her about my internal struggle. She suggested that I call Dr. Henry if nothing else but to make myself feel better. Finally I caved. His nurse called me back at about 4:30. I told her that Jack favored the right side and I told her about the bell test. She said something and I wasn't sure if she was talking to me or not. When I said "What?" she said "Dr. Henry is standing right here and I'm writing what you say. He wants an MRI done immediately." She tried to schedule it for tomorrow (Friday), but there was some glitch. Dr. Henry wants to see Jack Monday morning and then he'd like for him to have the MRI. They were going to call and set something up for us.

Normally I work the mid-8 shift on Monday, but I won't be doing that this week which probably means no video blog. Maybe there will be one, only a different day - who knows. I didn't ask the nurse what they would be looking for with an MRI - I didn't have the courage.

I got off the phone and started to cry. WHY? Can someone just tell me why? Why does this have to be happening? Why does it have to be so scary? Why have we been through this twice when others have never had anything like this? Why do people tell me everything will be ok when there IS no guarantee? WHY?

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

Kerrie, I've started this comment a few times now. Each time it gets longer and longer and longer...

I just want you to know I love you. I wish you didn't have to be going through this. I wish I was there to hold your hand through this.

I have so much more I could write, but I'll leave it at that. Please know I think of you a lot. I cried for you this morning. You're my big sister. :-)

~ Amy ~ said...

Here's a big ol' hug for you. I love you girl. Hang in there.

Jamie said...

I am really sorry you guys are going thru this again!! I pray for all of you and the outcome of the MRI!!

Stay strong and keep your head up! I know, easier said than done!!

Andrea said...

I'm feeling for you Kerrie. Hopefully the MRI will be able to provide you with some answers - even if it isn't what you want to hear - at least you'll finally know.

Shannon said...

Ker,
I hope you know how much I wish I could just make all the bad go away for you. You probably don't remember, but there was a time when I was your biggest defender :o) I love you.

Lori said...

I'm sorry Kerrie. You guys are in my prayers.

Lori said...

I'm sorry Kerrie. You guys are in my prayers.

Just Mom said...

I'm praying for you and your family, Kerrie.

Anonymous said...

Kerrie
I am sending you a big hug via email. Let me know if there is anything I can help with.
Susan

Anonymous said...

Kerrie, If there is anything I can do, just let me know. Big hugs - Char

Tess said...

Big Hugs to you and your family! I am sorry to hear about this, but hopefully the doctors can shed some light as to what is going on. You are all in our thoughts and prayers.

Dawn said...

You and your family are in my prayers especially lil Jack. I hope the doctor can ease some of you pain, by giving you better answers. Hang in there.

Tracy said...

I love you sweetheart and hope that everything will get better with Jack. You know I am here for you NO MATTER WHAT!!!

~HUGS~

the boedecker family said...

I am feeling for you Kerrie!! I hope and pray you get some answers soon! I know personally how you are feeling and hurting over your child and something being wrong and the answers not coming!! I will say a prayer for you and for baby Jack!! Hang in there!!!

Anonymous said...

Kerrie,
WHY? I wish I could answer anyone of your questions, but I can not. I can only tell you I love you and will stand by you no matter what. Even that is not enough and I know that. Please let me help you - call me anytime day or night - I will not always know what to say, but I can provide a shoulder to cry on or listen to more "Why" questions. I wish I could do more - Love you all so much!!! Linda

Anonymous said...

I guess you can really see how much this world of blogging brings us together. Although in the physical I can't be there to hug you, I can promise to be there through our online friendship to let you know how much I really care. My heart is very heavy. I will be praying for you to find answers and a peace in your heart.
Much love my friend. Hang on to hope. I am a living testimony to a walking miracle of God. I had a tumor in my brain that now is gone. Hang on my friend.

Kari said...

Thinking about you, and praying for you...

Loni said...

Woody~ I am here for you if you need anything. You are a strong person. I hope the MRI helps you get some answers. You are a great mom. Hang in there and everyone will help you threw the tough times.

Loni

Momma Roar said...

I've been thinking about you a lot this past week since reading your post about the eval. Know that I am praying for you - I can't answer Why - but trust God that He will lead you through.
Love,
Leigh Ann

Anonymous said...

Kerrie,
Amber has told me a little about Jack, so I thought i'ld check out your blog. I hope you get all of your questions answered SOON. I'm sure the waiting process is VERY TOUGH, hang in there,(easier said than don, I know). I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you.

Monica

Frazzled Farm Wife said...

I will be praying for you and your family.